Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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