mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
True college students do jello shots in the library
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