apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
