I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
