You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
do herpes really smell.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
