She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
