I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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