I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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