We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
