I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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