like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
