I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
