when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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