the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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