ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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