party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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