I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
