sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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