Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
