I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
