chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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