apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
