Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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