mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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