i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's blow job season.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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