I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
