I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
