I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
