Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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