she looked like the before picture.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
