Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
