so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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