my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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