It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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