So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
