Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
