Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
