FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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