White coat. Heels.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
