Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
