I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
