he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
