just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
