I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
