Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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