I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
