Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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