Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
