So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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