im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
