Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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