had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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