when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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